AMANDA ;D

he ate my heart.

2010-02-16T23:19:00.001+08:00

AFTER TONIGHT :

NO MORE MATH IA. FOREVER.
THANKGOD.

YOU'VE GOT ME BEGGING YOU FOR MERCY

2010-01-03T17:23:00.001+08:00

UGH, BRING IT ON. IMA ANGSTY GRADE 12 NAO >:)

tonight, ima fight until we see the sunlight.

2009-12-29T12:54:00.003+08:00

DEAR GOD,

If You would be so kind as to miraculously give me 2 more weeks of holiday, it would be greatly appreciated. Also, please let Welcome Week be a success! please also help me finish all that I have yet to finish :/

Love,
Amanda.

BUT ITS CHRISTMAS!

2009-12-25T11:46:00.002+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE (:

I hope that wherever you are, you are surrounded by loved ones and spend this day happily and without worry.
I hope that as this turbulent year draws to a close, you have many things to give thanks for.
And I hope that next year is a year full of beautiful moments, for you.

This is my favourite Christmas song :D

O Holy Night

O Holy Night,
the stars are brightly shining.
It is the night,
of our Savior's birth.
Long lay the world,
in sin and error pining,
'til he appeared,
and the soul felt it's worth.

The thrill of hope,
the weary world rejoices,
for yonder brinks,
a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees,
o hear the angel voices,
o night divine,
o night when Christ was born.

oh, it's not a dream anymore.

2009-12-23T12:03:00.002+08:00

2130. It's not fantastic, but then again, neither am I.

The choices I have to make about university are even more bothersome than the actual test itself. Even more bothersome is the fact that these are decisions that, perhaps, have a hand in altering the course of my life from here onwards?

But perhaps, every decision is, in some small way or another.

I am waiting for my mother to get her hair done, and I am incredibly bored.

I am trying to be productive.

Haber process, here I come.

do they know it's Christmastime?

2009-12-22T17:04:00.002+08:00

3 more hours to the release of SAT results.
2 days to Christmas.
11 days to 2010.
12 more days to the start of school.
12 more days to the start of Welcome Week.
12 more days to genetics test, trigonometry test, math ia, ee deadlines, etc.etc.
11 more months til IB exam.

Our lives are ruled by numbers. Sadly.

I think they should also be ruled by moments.

Something Ms Smyth said really touched me : Success is not measured in dollars but in happiness.

Christmas seems like the time when people are allowed/encouraged/expected to be happy and believe in miracles and good things and the goodness of humanity. But shouldn't every day be Christmas?

on the boulevard of broken dreams,

2009-12-15T21:53:00.002+08:00

DDDDDDDDDAMN.

it's the 15th already.
and i've got another 19 days or so left before next year begins.

>:(

i want nobahdy nobahdy but choo

2009-12-14T13:20:00.002+08:00

In words as simple as possible, my time spent at Ipoh was simply amazing.

Having only attended a Lasallian school for only a year, I never really understood what all that hype around being Lasallian was about. But I can truly say my views have been thoroughly changed. The best part is, what I've learned these past 6 days resonate deeply within me and are already aligned with what I want to do with my life.

I'm really thankful and glad I had the chance to make new friends and experience new things.

baby just say goodnight,

2009-12-07T19:42:00.002+08:00

GOODBYE, IM GOING TO IPOH.

miss me. you better.

there's gotta be somebody,

2009-12-06T23:11:00.001+08:00

I THINK JACOB IS MUCH BETTER THAN EDWARD.

gotta live like we're dying.

2009-12-03T22:50:00.002+08:00

we only have 86400 seconds in a day, to turn it all around or throw it all away.

oh man, i can't believe i'm going to take the SAT on saturday. Like, the day after tomorrow o:
all my life, my parents have nagged at me, to take the SAT and go further my studies in america, even when i was in primary school. it's so weird that i'm finally doing it.

i don't even know if that's where i want to go. i'm indifferent towards it, actually. i wouldn't mind going there, but sometimes, i'd rather not.

i don't know what i want.

supermassive

2009-11-29T21:35:00.000+08:00

there are some days, when the world just annoys me so,
and i just want to sit in a corner and punch the wall.
!@#$%^&*()_+sdlkjfbncnvlidf.

i'm a walking disaster,

2009-11-27T22:29:00.003+08:00

maybe, we should stop chasing temporary 'high's , and accept that, yes, this is as good as it gets, as yes, i am happy with that. maybe, we should look for who we are, and not who others want us to be.
maybe, we should cherish the precious few who see us through the tumultuous journey of life instead of hankering for acceptance of the multitudes who scarcely know us.

just, maybe.

2009-11-25T18:22:00.001+08:00

MASS AFFIRMATIONNNNNNNN TIME. (:

sometimes, I wonder, if there's any point at all.

if there's somebody, calling me on,
he's the one.

are you the one?

its not complicated, i was so jaded,

2009-11-23T21:45:00.002+08:00

HERE'S TO THE NIGHT - EVE 6

So denied,
so I lied.
Are you the 'now or never' kind?
In a day,
and a day, love,
I'm going to be gone for good again.

Are you willing to be had?
Are you cool with just tonight?

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well,
here's to the night we felt alive,
here's to the tears you knew you'd cry,
here's to goodbye,
tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

Put your name,
on the line,
Along with place and time.
Want to stay,
not to go,
I want to ditch the logical.

All my time,
is froze in motion.
Can't I stay an hour or two more?

Don't let me let you go.

frozen over

2009-11-20T22:36:00.002+08:00

the grade 12s are graduating tomorrow ):

goodbye, grade 12s! you guys are the bestest <3 i will miss you guysssss. (and you.)

the weather is so cold, i feel like i'm frozen over - literally and figuratively.

i'll just hide here.

WINTER SONG - SARA BAREILLES & INGRID MICHAELSON

This is my winter song,
December never felt so wrong.
'Cause you're not where you belong,
inside my arms.

I still believe in summer days,
the seasons always change,
and life will find a way.

I'll be your harvester of light,
and send it out tonight,
so we can start again.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song,
December never felt so wrong.
'Cause you're not where you belong,
inside my arms.

This is my winter song to you,
the storm is coming soon,
it rolls in from the sea.

My love,
a beacon in the night,
my words,
will be your light.
To carry you to me.

Is love alive?

whatever tomorrow brings, i'll be there.

2009-11-16T22:39:00.002+08:00

hahaha today amanda was blur.

she forgot to load her chinese interactive oral ppt slides onto her thumbdrive and sunshine was all ready to present and all >< we had to occupy ourselves with poetry analysis for the remainder of the lesson.

" Where do you find the time to do so many things? " - Bradian

I have no idea, actually. I just do things. I like doing things :D It makes me happy when I see a job well done. It makes me happy when I see that what I've done makes a difference in someone else's life. Whenever I'm not doing something, I wonder if I've forgotten to do something ><

It makes me sad when I search for 'love' on Tumblr and I see a lot of photographs depicting sexual scenes (both hetero and homo) and hear so many hip hop songs on the radio going 'take yo shirt offfff~' and well yeah, love is free and open to interpretation but i don't think love = sex? and I just think modern pop culture has so many better avenues to explore other than raunchy and explicit content.

'everybody wants change, but nobody wants to change.'

i really hope the events planned for end of this year/beginning of next year will be successful! o:

all the people on the street know.

2009-11-15T12:05:00.001+08:00

amanda is bored out of her brain o: the editting of chem ia and world lit is possibly more tiring than the writing itself. *whinewhinecomplaincomplain*

ITS RAINING MEN, HALLELUJAH.

2009-11-15T09:57:00.002+08:00

3 MORE DAYS, LUV (:

Amanda's incredible holiday (or not) schedule.

19/11/2009 - G7 and G8 movie night.
20/11/2009 - Dry run for Graduation Ceremony
21/11/2009 - Graduation
24/11/2009 - Wizard of Orz
26/11/2009 - Rendezvous
05/12/2009 - SAT
07/12/2009 - Depart for NLLC
14/12/2009 - Return from NLLC
24/12/2009 - Christmas Eve :D
02/01/2009 - Facil training session.
04/01/2009 - 08/01/2009 - Welcome Week 2010
...

and inbetween that, EE research, and random dates (:

Cheeriosssss.

i know what you're thinking, baby, why aren't you listening?

2009-11-13T19:07:00.003+08:00

The raindrops pound softly on every surface it touches. Colours, smells, and feelings are intensified and solidified, darkened, like the rich, damp earth, calling forth life in the form of exposed bleach-white roots - immeasurable, infinite and copious. The echo of footsteps fades into oblivion as one leaves unruffled concrete behind, onto the warm humus we go, rudimentary and imperfect, but always an adventure.

the rain always puts me in a thinking mood (:

you found me,

2009-11-12T20:22:00.002+08:00

who i am.who i'm not.who i want to be. who knew.i don't feel so bad. i'm so sorry darling, did i do the wrong thing? oh, what was i thinking? don't you care about me anymore? and i don't believe that anybody feels the way about i do about you now. it can creep up inside you and consume you. p-p-p-pokerface. so just pull the trigger. everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going. lucky we're in love in every way, lucky to be coming home someday. they don't know how long it takes, waiting for a love like this. i feel it crash against my skin.

how did you get here, under my skin.

2009-11-07T12:08:00.002+08:00

amanda loves lazy saturday mornings where she doesn't have to wake up early and gets to eat soon kueh for breakfast :D
amanda taps away at the keyboard in futility, gets bored and wanders into the kitchen every 10 minutes in search of some tasty morsel.
amanda munches on rice crackers and pitted prunes, not at the same time.
amanda is taking the SATs in less than a month, she is grossly unprepared. :/
amanda gets incredibly uncomfortable when speaking to certain people, she feels the heat of their judgemental eyes searing through her and ends up saying the wrong thing anyway.
amanda's biologist grandma is so cute, helping her with her mould experiment despite her old age. :D

in this mad world,

2009-11-03T21:06:00.000+08:00

in a desperate bid to concentrate on chinese homework, amanda resorts to listening to chinese radio while working. it is not working very well. amanda very much yearns to venture into the happy world of slumber.

bah.

arrr!

2009-11-01T14:40:00.000+08:00

the internet is annoying me. :C

have i mentioned how one of my favourite movies of all time is Pirates of the Carribean? <3

turn the lights off, carry me home.

2009-10-27T19:09:00.004+08:00

in one week's time,
IB examinations for the grade twelves will begin.
in two weeks' time,
we would have finished our group 4 project.
in three weeks' time,
we would have finished our CAS for this year.
in four weeks' time,
you would have graduated.
in seven weeks' time,
you'll be in the army.

and so the short run melds into the long run.

say it ain't so, i will not go.

i am so in love with this song.

BRICK BY BORING BRICK - PARAMORE

She lives in a fairy tale,
somewhere too far for us to find.
Forgotten the taste and smell,
of a world that she's left behind.
It's all about exposure, the lens,
I told her,
the angles are all wrong.
Now she's ripping the wings off of butterflies.

Keep your feet on the ground,
when your head's in the clouds.

Well, go get your shovel
and we'll dig a deep hole
to bury the castle.

So one day, he found her crying,
coiled up on the dirty ground.
Her prince finally came to save her,
and the rest you can figure out.
But it was a trick,
and the clock struck twelve,
well, make sure to build your house
brick by boring brick,
or the wolf's going to blow it down.

Well you built up a world of magic,
because your real life is tragic.

If it's not real,
you can't hold it in your hand.
You can't feel it with your heart,
and I won't believe it.

2009-10-26T17:08:00.003+08:00

don't you just love how first day back at school always entails deadlines and new assignments.
i reel from the sheer weight.
i feel a sudden unexplained craving for fast food.
on a lighter note, got back exam results today :D
i did reasonably well, still not a 40 though (:

when i look at the stars,

2009-10-25T12:57:00.002+08:00

AS LOVERS GO - DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL

She said, " I've got to be honest,
you're wasting your time if you're fishing around here."
And I said, " you must be mistaken,
I'm not fooling, this feeling is real."
She said, " you've got to be crazy.
What do you take me for? Some kind of easy mark?"

"You've got wits,
you've got looks,
you've got passion,
but I swear you've got me all wrong."

I'll be true
I'll be useful
I'll be cavalier
I'll be yours, my dear.
And I'll belong to you if you just let me through.

This is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it
by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes,
this is tailor-made,
what's the sense in waiting?

run, don't walk, the sky is falling through.

2009-10-25T09:49:00.002+08:00

nuuuuuuuuuu. everything that has been on slow-mo for the past month or so is going to be put back into fast forward tomorrow. but i am quite excited, i suddenly feel like im really growing up and going places. i was getting bored of staying at home all day anyway, im really a workaholic at heart. 8)

YE GRANDE PLAN OF MY LIFE.

1. make it through this year
2. study for SATs (5th Dec)
3. make it through next year o:
4. apply for university in the US/Singapore/Australia/ God-knows-where.
5. get a degree
6. get a job
7. get married
8. yadda yadda.

gosh, it all seems so boring now that i think about it. but i guess life is mundane. it's the little random quirky things you find along the way that make it worthwhile and interesting.

and it's funny how, so many people in the region are experiencing some form of disaster in their lives - be it financial or natural, and all of us still happily live in our cosy little shopping mall saturated bubble, never having experienced the least bit of trouble in any form before. how fortunate we are, or maybe not.

schoolschoolschool, the place where it all happens - passion, hard work, laughter, love.
come on Amanda, you can do this.

this is the last time i abandon you.

2009-10-23T17:28:00.003+08:00

its weird, the impact IB makes on me.

This afternoon :

'im very borrrrred.'
'go find something to do. you need a hobby.'
'YOU'RE my hobby :P'
'a hobby can't be a living thing! go look for the meaning of hobby on wiki or something. you need to relax and enjoy life. when's the last time you did something fun?'
'.... i don't remember.'

which got me trying to remember what my hobbies are, and i suddenly remember spending a lot of time reading online manga (: i used to be really interested in manga and all that shiz, but ever since the IB invasion, drawing books and manga cabinet remain largely untouched.

i came upon a realisation today :

i have nothing left to prove to anyone. it seems as though all my life, i've always been trying to prove something to someone, meet someone's expectations, gain someone's affection, yadda yadda, but i finally realise that there are a lot of people in my life who accept me for who i am and don't judge me for what i do. well, obviously, there are still parents, but that's a different story.
i don't actually have that much to worry about.

hahah, i hate it when you're right. but somehow, you're always right ><

oh, we're not the same.

2009-10-22T11:19:00.004+08:00

amanda rather enjoys the colour purple.
amanda doesn't want this holiday to end.
amanda likes playing wii at alyssaluv's house.
amanda likes the fat cat.
amanda loves the movie 500daysofsummer.
amanda likes to laugh. A lot.
amanda wants to go swimming again.
amanda wants to go to the beach.
amanda has great plans for the future -insert awesome theme song music here-
amanda hugs snowy, the polar bear, single father of snuffles and moony.
amanda likes hanging out with you.

♥

'It's off, between me and summer.'
'Was it ever on?'
'It could have been, in a world where good things happen to me.'
'Well, that's not where we live.'
- 500 days of summer

we are just misguided ghosts.

2009-10-19T21:51:00.002+08:00

amanda is happy, boyfriend is the best :D THANKYOUUU!

meh. reality bites.

the gears are always turning,

2009-10-18T14:03:00.002+08:00

I AM (still) BORED.

but i have taken to managing a farm on Country Story (on fb!) to pass the time.
and i've finished my ee plan.
and i'm almost halfway through my first SAT practice paper.
yay me. hahaha, i am a much more interesting blogger when im feeling stressed/angry/depressed, such is the way of the world (:

a perfect dinner:

1. egg fried with vermicelli
2. vegetable curry (with generous servings of eggplant, lady fingers and cabbage)
3. stir-fried potato strips with dried chilli
4. fish maw soup (with generous servings of scallops, fish balls, vermicelli, abalone, etc.)
5. a lot of white rice.

plus lemon meringue pie for dessert!

other stuff i like:

tempura udon
salmon sashimi
crab cream croquette
ramenramenramen
kimchi soup
pepper lunch sukiyaki
white wine pasta
grilled chicken

HI MOM I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS :P

teehee. im getting fat - and hungry.

and everyone inside the mechanism is yearning to get out.

2009-10-15T15:04:00.001+08:00

IM. BORED. D:

down with mega-conglomerates producing addictive television shows and what not. the character's lives always seem to be so much more interesting than our sad,mediocre existence. ><

straight through the heart,

2009-10-13T14:46:00.002+08:00

LAST DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY :D

tmrtmrtmrtmrtmrtmrrrrr. i can't wait.
i just wasted about 2/3 hours of studytime being locked outside my house/eating lunch/checking email ><

anyway, these are the things i have to do after exams :

1. study for SAT (it never ends.)
2. buy 'brand new eyes' :D (hinthint.)
3. read 'wicked' and 'a lion among men' :D (hinthint with a cherry and vanilla icecream on top!)
4. learn how to ride a bike ><
5. play my guitar or learn how to ><
6. finish all that ib stuff. world lit, ee, written tasks, etc.etc.

aaaand now to plunge myself into the world of differential calculus, statistical probability, distributions, markets and failure.

ciao.

life inside the music box ain't easy.

2009-10-09T13:45:00.003+08:00

because it's after a week of exams, on a nice and toasty friday afternoon.

pictures from wordboner and deviantart and my collection (:

you light,
the sky,
up above me.
a star,
so bright
you blind me.
if walls break down,
i will comfort you.
if angels cry,
oh i'll be there for you.
you've saved my soul,
don't leave me now.
leaves are blowing down the streets
wind crawling up our knees
somebody get the keys
rain is flowing from the sky
but no fear in our eyes,
we're ready to fly.
sing us a song,
and we'll sing it back to you,
but what would it be without you?
this heart, it beats,
beats for only you.

overheard from the living room :

'if da-jie (me) can't get good marks, who can?'

sigh.

you're the perfect lullaby

2009-09-28T22:07:00.003+08:00

biology. word dump.

ecosystemammaliangiospermophytautotrophaemoglobinucleuspeciesaprotrophabitatelophasecology.

bah. humbug. pressure. exams. expectations. scholar. parents. teachers. responsibility.conclusions. talk. talk. talk. evaluate. me. imperfect = something's wrong? = distraction? am trying. my best.

You can't expect anyone to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself.

Pfft.

):<

2009-09-22T20:48:00.000+08:00

WORLD LIT (!)
EXAMS (!) LESS THAN 2 WEEKS.

AND IM NOT EXACTLY DOING WELL EITHER. :/

i'll never forget, the way you look tonight.

2009-09-21T19:02:00.002+08:00

the road is long and hard. but i know the end is well worth it.
i don't know where we'll end up,
but i'll try my best anyway, and i know you will too (:
happiness really takes a lot of courage and strength outta me.
there's always the prospect of hurt and disappointment which looms in the distance.
but like you said, allowing that prospect to invade my happiness is only going to make for greater unhappiness.
and if it all ends eventually, i'd rather have good memories to look back upon.
and who knows?
we just might make it, i know we both want to :D

its tough remaining child-like in the face of a world that's long moved on. it's easy to slip into the trap of being jaded and cynical about everything, about love and friendship, about trust and the goodness of humanity. we're often disappointed by what we see, but it does not have to be. we have choices. we can choose to live out our dreams. we can choose to love, wholly and unequivocally. we can choose to be trustworthy and kind. it's all a matter of choice.

"We often ask ourselves, who am I to be gorgeous,brilliant, talented and fabulous?"
"Well, actually, who are you not to be?"

bigstrongtoughmanda is ready to take on the world. (:<

you took something perfect and painted it red.

2009-09-16T18:29:00.002+08:00

i miss you.
i miss the good old days.
i miss being (relatively) more carefree.
i miss being able to laugh with careless abandon.
i miss the boundless enthusiasm that used to fill each day.

now, it seems, the more i know, the more i wish i didn't.

i never wanted to see this side of things.

it seems, there's also no turning back.
i can only toughen up and get on with it.

i won't go home without you

2009-09-13T17:22:00.000+08:00

BAZ LUHRMANN - EVERYONE'S FREE (TO WEAR SUNSCREEN)

Ladies and gentlemen of the class '99,

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proven by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and the beauty of your youth.
Oh nevermind, you will not know the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years time, you will look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way, you can't grasp how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You're not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future.

or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind;
the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy;
sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind…
the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults;
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life…
the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't,
maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't,
maybe you'll divorce at 40,
maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…
what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much
or berate yourself either –
your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…
don't be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it,
it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance
even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions,
even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines,
they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents,
you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings;
they are the best link to your past and
the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,
but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle
because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard;
live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old,
and when you do you'll fantasize that
when you were young prices were reasonable,
politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse;
but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair,
or by the time it's 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but,
be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,
wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts
and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

tonight's gonna be a good night

2009-09-08T22:12:00.000+08:00

bah, i am still reeling from the after-effects of a holiday.
FINAL YEAR EXAMS IN 4 WEEKS ):<
PLUS MANY COUNCIL THINGYS.
PLUS WORLD LIT, EE, and all that jazz.

oh well, its the IB, what's new.

i am losing sleep. hahaha, my ib container is filling up!

this song is so mainstream pop and emo. but i like it! its such a strong and sad ballad.

ALREADY GONE - KELLY CLARKSON

remember all the things we wanted,
now all our memories, they're haunted.
we were always meant to say goodbye.

even without fists held high, yeah
never would have worked out right,
we were never meant for do or die.

i didn't want us to burnt out
i didn't come here to hurt you
now i can't stop

i want you to know
it doesn't matter
where we take this road,
someone's gotta go
and i just want you to know
you couldn't have loved me better
but i want you to move on
so i'm already gone

looking at you makes it harder,
but i know that you'll find another
that doesn't always make you want to cry.
started with a perfect kiss
then we could feel the poison set in,
perfect couldn't keep this love alive.

you know that i love you so,
i love you enough to let you go.

I STILL LOVE YOU, BOYFRIEND (: don't worry.

hello beautiful

2009-09-07T22:42:00.000+08:00

i shall avoid giving a blow-by-blow account of challenge week, it's too awesome for words.

but for now, it is back to reality, back to work, back to the neverending, always increasing barrage of assessments, assignments and stuff.

i should try to blog more!

or maybe i should convert to twitter, since i prefer one-liners.

but nah! down with convention!

oh well. amanda is sleepy.

93.

2009-09-05T22:00:00.000+08:00

words,words,words.
random lettering stringed together designed to represent the ideas,objects,thoughts,emotions,reality that we experience everyday.
sometimes, words are not enough.
there is a deep emotion, bubbling up from the depths of my soul. that feeling of oneness, of completion.
seems a bit far-fetched for someone who isn't even legally allowed to do anything yet.
oh happy optimism. oh vivid sunset. oh absurd randomness of life.

they all tell me to 'walk'. do not try to 'fly'.

but i said, 'walking can only bring you so far. he might as well walk away.'

the words of the wizened echo endlessly around me.

maybe this road leads to naught but heartbreak.

but its my life. i would like to make my own choices, even if its a mistake.

i do not regret this choice.

you alone can make my soul take flight.

2009-08-28T21:52:00.000+08:00

YAY END OF TERM.
YAY CHALLENGE WEEK.
YAY BOYFRIEND :D

im flying to phukettttt in around 12 hours' time.

see you gaizxs soon.

I WANT TO SING - REGINA SPEKTOR

I want to sing to you, my love.
My only love and happiness
Don't be so blue, so blue, my love
Take off your shoes, take off my dress
I want to sing to you, my love.
My only love and happiness
Don't be so blue, so blue, my love
This too shall pass,
this too shall pass.

But tell me,
What have I done to deserve you?
Must have done something nice,
'cause that's how it works
Must have been kind to kittens and birds
In a previous life must have thought happy thoughts

'cause there you were, right beside me
Then somehow inside me while inside myself
Books on the shelf, thoughts on the shelf
Hands to myself, I should definitely keep my hands to myself

Love is a dangerous pastime
Caught between madness and gladness of flight
Nothing is wrong and nothing is right
Falling asleep in your arms every night

you never seem to run out of things to say.

2009-08-09T21:21:00.003+08:00

HAPPY NATIONAL DAAAAAAAAY :D

for all the 364 days of the year in which we complain about this place,
today's the day to sit back and remember all the good things we have, and hey,
its not so bad after all.

for all the times we enjoy safety and peace.

for all the mee poks and char kway teows.

for all the friends and family we share everyday with.

it's still home.

shake the glitter off your clothes now,

2009-07-31T21:48:00.000+08:00

one of the priests in my church just passed away.
i just returned from the wake.

i always feel slightly awkward at wakes. i never know what to do. i never know how i'm supposed to feel. i almost wish i knew the person better so i could grieve properly. but then again, even when i didn't know him well, it was hard for me to imagine that i wouldn't be seeing him, his old cheerful and serene self, in church ever again.

it was open casket, so we went up to look at him before he is to be cremated.

it is like staring mortality straight in the face.

it makes me wonder, how many more funeral wakes do i have to attend? and how and for whom will i grieve?
it makes me wonder, when my own would be, how short and transitory our lives actually are.
it makes me wonder, how long before we all forget about his passing and return to our normal routines?

every new day is a gift.

mad world

2009-07-30T20:42:00.002+08:00

AMANDA LOVES PARAMORE, AMONG OTHER THINGS.

AND YES, MY BLOG IS FULL OF LYRICS.

IGNORANCE - PARAMORE

if im a bad person,
you don't like me,
i guess i'll go
make my own way
its a circle
a mean cycle
i can't excite you anymore.

where's your gavel? your jury?
what's my offense this time?
you're not a judge,
but if you're gonna judge me
well,sentence me to another life.

don't wanna hear your sad songs
i don't wanna feel your pain
when you swear its all my fault,
'cause you know we're not the same
oh, we're not the same
the friends who stuck together
we wrote our names in blood
but i guess you can't accept that the change is good.
its good.

this is the best thing that could have ever happened,
any longer and i wouldn't have made it
it's not a war, no.
it's not a rapture.
i'm just a person,
but you can't take it.
the same tricks that once fooled me,
they won't get you anywhere.
i'm not the same kid from your memory,
i can fend for myself.

you treat me just like another stranger
well, it's nice to meet you, sir.
i guess i'll go,
i best be on my way out.

ignorance is your new best friend.

bitter heart, my bitter heart

2009-07-29T21:30:00.001+08:00

copyright, Sheerie the Fay.

are we all not fighting hard to achieve what we want in life?
we wait for the right moment, to take a chance and pounce.
what if, we arrive at our destination, only to find that it is entirely different from what we'd hoped for.
are we really willing to take that leap of faith,
towards possible hurt and disappointment.
would we be more content just wallowing in self-pity,
with the thought that if you don't try,
at least you don't fail.

when the dust settles,
what is left?
what do you really want?
where are you going?

who knows.

FALLING FOR YOU - COLBIE CAILIAT

i don't know but
i think i may be
falling for you.

dropping so quickly
maybe i should
keep this to myself
waiting 'til
i know you better.

i am trying
not to tell you
but i want to

i'm scared of what you'll say
so i'm hiding what i'm feeling
but i'm tired
of holding this inside my head.

i've been spending all my time
just thinking about you
i don't know what to do
i think i'm falling for you
i've been waiting all my life
and now i've found you
i think i'm falling for you

as i'm standing here
and you hold my hand
pull me towards you
and we start to dance
all around us
i see nobody
here in silence,
its just you and me.

boy, you're dangerous

2009-07-27T21:32:00.000+08:00

SMILE - UNCLE KRACKER

you're better than the best
i'm lucky just to linger in your light
cooler than the flip side of my pillow,
that's right.
completely unaware,
nothing can compare to where you send me
let me know that its okay, its okay
at the moments when my good times start to fade

you make me smile like the sun
fall out of bed,
sing like a bird,
dizzy in my head,
spin like a record crazy on a Sunday night,
you make me dance like a fool,
forget how to breathe
shine like gold,
buzz like a bee
just the thought of you can drive me wild,
oh, you make me smile.

even when you're gone,
somehow you come along,
just like a flower poking out of the sidewalk crack.
you steal away the rain,
just like that.

LES MISERABLES

2009-07-25T18:29:00.000+08:00

I DREAMED A DREAM

There was a time when men were kind
when their voices were soft
and their words inviting.
There was a time when love was blind
and the world was a song
and the song was exciting.
There was a time
then it all went wrong.

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
when hope was high
and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
then I was young and unafraid
when dreams were made and used
and wasted

There was no ransom to be paid
no song unsung no wine untasted
but the tigers come at night
with their voices as soft as thunder
as they tear your hope apart
as they turn your dream to shame.

He slept a summer by my side
he filled my days with endless wonder
he took my childhood in his stride
but he was gone when autumn came.

And still I dream he'll come to me
we will live the years together.
but there are dreams that cannot be
and there are storms we cannot weather.

I had a dream my life would be,
so different from this hell I'm living.
So different now from what it seemed,
now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

i am bigger than my body gives me credit for.

2009-07-25T11:14:00.002+08:00

ludicrous : having to write a 1000 word essay about a man whos turned into a cockroach.

who's complaining?

not me.

i tear my heart open

2009-07-22T19:43:00.003+08:00

thanks for all the support, guys :D manymuchinfinitelove.

i've been told i look like a little boy/monkey (:
i can imagine how hard it must be for girls my age to suddenly lose their hair. at least i had a choice in the matter. but i can't imagine how it must be for someone to lose their hair against their will,against their best hopes and wishes, and to be reminded of it everytime they pass by a reflective surface.

phew, its a tough life.

SITTING, WAITING, WISHING - JACK JOHNSON

now i was sitting, waiting, wishing
that you believed in superstitions
then maybe you'd see the signs
but Lord knows that this world is cruel.
no, i ain't the Lord
no, i'm just a fool.
learning, in loving somebody
don't make them love you.

must i always be waiting, waiting on you?
must i always be playing, playing your fool?

i sing you songs
i dance a dance
i gave your friends all a chance
putting up with them wasnt worth never having you.
maybe you've been through this before
but its my first time
so please ignore
the next few lines
'cause they're directed at you.

i keep playing your cards
but its not my scene
won't this plot not twist?
i've had enough mystery.
keep building it up,
then shooting me down.
but i'm already down.
just wait a minute,
sit and wait.

well, if i was in your position
i'd put down my ammunition
and i'd wonder why it's taken me so long
but Lord knows, i'm not you
and if i was, i wouldn't be so cruel.
'cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do.

BALD IS BEAUTIFUL.

2009-07-21T18:32:00.002+08:00

Hair.
In biological terms, its just keratin. a protein. same stuff that makes up your nails and rhino horns.
yet, it can be so important for one's appearance. some call it their 'crowning glory'.
some say 'girls shouldn't shave their heads, its weird.'

well, here we go. im bald.
i think of it as my little triumph over conformism, over the stereotypical views of beauty that society places on women, over apathy.

To anyone who has cancer or known someone with cancer, this is for you.

loathing, unadulterated loathing.

2009-07-15T22:41:00.002+08:00

one more day to baldie amanda.
one more day to harry potter HBP (!)
one more day to friday.
choir tmr.
yay :D

discovery of the day :

new canteen's chicken rice is goooooooooooooooooooood.

3 days into school and already 2 presentations and several upcoming projects.
what's new?

and you can't fight the tears that ain't coming.

2009-07-12T13:37:00.002+08:00

MEH.

OKAY THIS IS GETTING STUPID. I FEEL LIKE A PRIMARY SCHOOL KID, FUSSING OVER THE FIRST DAY OF SCH AFTER THE HOLIDAYS. BUT EH, ITS NOT THE SAME WHEN YOUR TERMS ARE PRACTICALLY 6 MONTHS LONG AND THIS IS PROBABLY THE LAST (REAL) HOLIDAY I'LL BE GETTING UNTIL THE END OF IB. AND ITS ENDING! ):<

OH WELL. IM KINDA EXCITED TO SEE EVERYONE AGAIN :DDDD
I'LL TAKE WHATEVER THAT COMES MY WAY, LIKKA MAN! COS IM TOUGH. YEAH.

HERE WE GO~

all that i know is im breathing.

2009-07-11T15:51:00.003+08:00

LYRIC SPAM COS I CAN. NYAH. :P

GIVING UP - INGRID MICHAELSON

what if we stop having a ball?
what if the paint chips from the wall?
what if there's always cups in the sink?
what if im not what you think i am?

what if i fall further than you?
what if you dream of somebody new?
what if i never let you in?
chase you with a rolling pin?
well, what if i do?

'cause i am giving up
i am making passes
and i'm giving up
on half empty glasses
and i'm giving up
on greener pastures
i am giving up.

what if our baby comes in after nine?
what if your eyes close before mine?
what if you lose yourself sometime?
i'll be the one to find you, safe in my heart.

'cause i am giving up
i am giving up, for you.

YOU AND I - INGRID MICHAELSON

don't you worry there, my honey
we might not have any money
but we've got our love to pay the bills

maybe i think you're cute and funny
maybe i wanna do what bunnies do with you,
if you know what i mean

oh, let's get rich
and buy our parents houses in the south of france
let's get rich
and buy everyone nice sweaters
and teach them how to dance
let's get rich
and build our house on a mountain
making everybody look like ants
from way up there, you and i, you and i.

well, you might be a bit confused,
and you might be a little bit bruised
but baby,
how we spoon like nobody else.
so i will help you read those books,
you will soothe my worried looks,
and we will put lonesome on the shelf.

DIE ALONE - INGRID MICHAELSON

i woke up this morning
with a funny taste in my head
speckled some butter over my wholegrain bread
something tastes different,
maybe its my tongue
something tastes different,
suddenly i'm not so young.

i'm just a stranger,
even to myself.
a re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf,
don't be a fool, girl,
tell him you love him.
don't be a fool, girl,
you're not above him.

i never thought i could love anyone but myself
now i know,
i can't love anyone but you.
you make me think that
maybe i won't die alone
maybe i won't die alone

what have i become?
something soft and really quite dumb.
because i've fallen,
so far away from the place i've started from.

live your life with arms wide open

2009-07-11T12:42:00.003+08:00

NEVER SAY NEVER - THE FRAY

there are some things we don't talk about
rather, do without
and just hold the smile
falling in and out of love
ashamed and proud of,
together,
all the while.

you can never say never
why, we don't know when,
time and time again,
younger now,
than we were before.

don't let me go
don't let me go.

picture you're the queen of everything,
as far as the eye can see
under your command
i'll be your guardian
when all is crumbling,
steady your hand.

don't let me go.

there's something about her,

2009-07-11T11:42:00.000+08:00

today's episode of amanda's life is brought to you by the word "meh"

definition :
a word used to express distaste and mild dislike and resentment. however, often used in a context where the subject has no other alternative/choice/say in the matter, used to indicate one's feeling of being resigned to one's fate and desire to move on, both literally (in the conversation) and figuratively (in reality).

waking up at 6 am? meh.
someone's graduating at the end of this term? meh.
finals? meh.
IB? meh.
the unforeseen future? meh.

can't let the music stop
can't let this feeling end
'cos if i do, it'll all be over
i'll never see you again.

you're a rockstar, everybody wants you

2009-07-10T14:22:00.002+08:00

ITS FRIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

normally this would be cause for jubilation and celebration, but, its the friday before school starts. this calls for some scary music *dum dum dum*

they try to tell me how to feel,

2009-07-08T19:09:00.003+08:00

emails regarding school issues are starting to flood my inbox.
aaaand its only 4 more days before school begins.
i am torn. Torn between my love for school, my love for the buzz of activity, the busy-ness of life, reprieve from this infernal boredom and the endless stream of tasks, expectations, stress, assessments, drama, tension and so on.
i somehow can't wait for school to begin, but i don't want it to come :/
as with a lot of things in life, i guess, the only way out is forward.

the future freaks me out,
i love you and that's all i really know.

shut up and put your money where your mouth is.

2009-07-06T13:56:00.004+08:00

sigh, the tagboard lady is right.

i am losing my touch! where is the old, cynical, witty amanda? the amanda who goes 'boys are stupid throw rocks at them'? the amanda who once said she would buy a big house with cheryl and both of them would live in it with millions of pretty bags and shoes and not care about guys forever.

all i can say is, happy people don't make very interesting bloggers. (:

BLUE EYES - MIKA

your heart is broken,
to your surprise.
you're sick of crying for blue eyes,
so tired of living misunderstood,
think hard, woman,
i think you should.

come, sorrow is so peculiar,
it comes in a day,
then it'll never leave you.
you take a pill,
wonder if it will fix you,
then wonder why sorrow has never left you.

i'm talking about blue eyes, blue eyes,
what's the matter, matter?
so blind, so blind,
what's the matter, matter?
blue eyes, blue eyes,
what's the matter with you?

oh you'll wind up broken,
at the end of the round
won't find your spirit,
in a lost and found.
oh, i've been watching,
how you behave.
not like a lover,
more like a slave.

this just can't be summer love.

2009-07-05T13:32:00.002+08:00

kiss me, under the milky twilight,
oh, lead me out onto the moonlit floor,
lift your open hand,
strike up the band and make the fireflies dance,
silver moon's sparkling.

but i'm in so deep,
you know i'm such a fool for you,
you got me wrapped around your finger.

love is a dangerous pastime,
caught between madness and gladness of flight,
nothing is wrong and nothing is right,
falling asleep in your arms every night.

you are my sweetest downfall,
i loved you first,
i loved you first.

fourth of july ♥

just give up the game, and get into me.

2009-07-01T15:05:00.002+08:00

when i was just a little girl,
i asked my mother,
what will i be?

will i be pretty?
will i be rich?
here's what she said to me.

que sera sera,
whatever will be, will be.
the future's not for us to see.
que, sera sera.

when i was young,
i fell in love.
i asked my sweetheart,
what lies ahead?
will we have rainbows,
day after day?
here's what my sweetheart said.

now i have children of my own,
they ask their mother,
what will i be?
will i be handsome,
will i be rich?
i tell them tenderly.

que sera sera
whatever will be,
will be.
the future's not ours to see
que sera sera.

sunshine and kisses,

2009-06-29T18:03:00.003+08:00

learning new things is never easy, especially for someone with a phobia of failure and disappointment like me. but i guess, its alright to fail. its alright to be disappointed. that's life, innit. perhaps the most important thing is how we live each day fully, loving like we've never been hurt, singing like we've never been off-key, laughing like no one's listening.

i believe in a thing called love.

2009-06-27T22:20:00.005+08:00

baaaaack with 2 weeks of holiday left.
feels good to be home.
feels good to have free time to pursue my interests.
feels good to enjoy a nice bowl of mee pok :D

i don't really have anything to blog about D: but let me ramble on. i don't know, its like you can't completely be free to express yourself because you don't know who might be reading and all the weird misconceptions people form about you from a blog. conversely, you could say, why worry if you've got nothing to hide? true, but some feelings and opinions are best reserved for yourself and a trusted circle of friends. but i guess its a good outlet.

its just suffocating when you realise no matter where you go or what you do you're always subjected to the judgements of others, even more so when people have place labels on you, like 'Catholic' or 'Student Council', when your actions suddenly become representative of the institution you are affiliated with, sad, but true, i guess. and somedays you just want to say, give me a break, i'm only seventeen and human, i make mistakes, i fall in love, i breathe, i eat, i poop, i'm just as lost as you are, and i'm trying my best.

and no, this is not related to any particular incident, i just think we all could afford to be a little more forgiving and understanding, that everyone has their scars and burdens to bear. (:

FIDELITY - REGINA SPEKTOR

i never loved nobody fully
always one foot on the ground
and by protecting my heart truly
i got lost in the sounds

i hear in my mind
all these voices
i hear in my mind
all these words
i hear in my mind
all this music

and it breaks my heart.
when it breaks my heart.

suppose i never,ever met you
suppose we never fell in love.
suppose i never, ever
let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
suppose i never ever saw you
suppose you never ever called
suppose i kept on singing love songs
just to break my own fall
just to break my fall.

and it breaks my heart.

this innocence,

2009-06-16T16:37:00.002+08:00

farewell, friends.
i'm off to visit the Motherland.
hail, chairman mao.

fly me to the moon,

2009-06-14T20:05:00.002+08:00

I'M FEELING YOU - MICHELLE BRANCH

sometimes i imagine the world without you
but most times i'm just so happy i ever found you
its a complicated web
that you weave inside my head
so much pleasure with such pain
we always, always stay the same

i'm feeling the way you cross my mind
and you save me in the nick of time
i'm riding the highs, i'm digging the lows
'cause at least i feel alive
i never faced so many emotional days
but my life is good,
i'm feeling you.

you go, then i can finally breathe in
'cause baby, i know
in the end you're never leaving
well, we're rarely ever sane
i drive you crazy and you do the same
but your fire fills my soul
and it warms me up like no one knows.

YOU AND I - CHAD KROEGER

since the moment i spotted you
its like walking around with wings on my shoes
my stomach's filled with butterflies
and its alright.
bouncing round from cloud to cloud
i got the feeling i'm never gonna come down
if i said i didn't like it, you know i'd lied.

so i'll say
why don't you and i get together
and take on the world
and be together forever
heads we will, and tails we'll try again
so i say why don't you and i hold each other
fly to the moon and straight on to heaven
'cause without you
they're never gonna let me in.

when's this fever gonna break?
i think i've handled more than any man can take
i'm like a love-sick puppy chasing you around
and its alright.

i forgot to say aloud, how beautiful you really are to me.

2009-06-14T14:22:00.003+08:00

amanda loves lazy Sunday afternoons.
amanda loves the smell of her bolster.
amanda loves the warmth of sunshine on her skin.
amanda loves the sea breeze.
amanda loves aimless wanderings.
amanda loves travelling to new places.
amanda loves, you. :D

baby, you're the best part of my day.

hey little papa
ooh you're a stunner
hot little figure
yes, you're a winner
and i'm so glad to be yours
oh little cutie
when you talk to me
i swear the whole world stops
you're my sweetheart
and i'm so glad that you are mine
you're one of a kind.

oh, i'm into you
and no, one else would do
'cause with every kiss and every hug
you make me fall in love
and now i know i can't be the only one
i bet there are hearts all over the world tonight
with the love of their life
who feel what i feel
when i'm with you.

and i don't know why, i can't take my eyes off of you.

2009-06-13T21:48:00.001+08:00

BACK FROM KRABIIIII.
KRABI WAS AWESOME. but i'm glad to be home! :D

GOING TO CHENGDU ON TUESSSSS.

okay post more when i get back. lazy.
i'm not an american idol person, mainly 'cos i'm in the IB so i don't have the time and also because i think the hype surrounding it is overrated. i just like this song :D

NO BOUNDARIES - KRIS ALLEN

seconds, hours, so many days
you know what you want,
but how long can you wait?
every moment lasts forever,
when you feel you've lost your way.

what if my chances are already gone?
i started believing i could be wrong.
but you give me one good reason,
to fight and never walk away.

so here i am, still holding on.

with every step, you climb another mountain.
every breath, its harder to believe
you make it through the pain, the weather, the hurricanes
to get to that one thing.

2009-06-06T21:34:00.003+08:00

BYE FRIENDS. BACK FROM KRABI IN 6 DAYS' TIME.

ALL YOU WANTED - MICHELLE BRANCH

i wanted to be like you
i wanted everything
so i tried, to be like you
and i got swept away

i didn't know it was so cold
and you needed someone
to show you the way
so i took your hand
and we figured out
that when the tide comes
i'd take you away

if you want to
i can save you
i can take you away from here
so lonely inside
so busy out there
and all you wanted
was somebody who cared.

i'm sinking slowly
so hurry hold me
your hand is all i have to keep me hanging on
please can you tell me
so i can finally see
where you go when you're gone.

HOLIDAAAAAAYS.

2009-06-05T21:20:00.003+08:00

today was such a slack day in school.
you can tell that everyone, including the teachers, can't wait for the holidays to begin!
its been crazyyyyyyyyy. but finally, some rest time. God knows i need it.

going awaaaaaaaaay soon. then back. then going away again.

have funnnnnn, friends :D

i'm a little sad i won't be seeing everyone for 5 weeks ):
date me out, friends :D

STRAWBERRY SWING - COLDPLAY

they were sitting, they were sitting
in the strawberry swing
every moment was so precious

they were sitting
they were talking
in the strawberry swing
everybody was for fighting
wouldn't wanna waste a thing

cold, cold water
bring me round
now my feet, won't touch the ground
its such a perfect day

i remember
we were walking up
to the strawberry swing
i can't wait 'til the morning
wouldn't wanna change a thing.

people living all the time,
inside a perfectly straight line
don't you wanna curve away?
its such a perfect day.

now the sky,
could be blue, i don't mind.
without you,
its a waste of time.

how deep is your love?

2009-06-02T22:33:00.003+08:00

still having school manzxszxszxs.

the holidays are here! but i don't feel relaxed at all :/
results are coming back for this term. and after 8 weeks of intense rushing about and insanity, everything's finally starting to slow down,
and the smoke settles and you can see everything that you've accomplished.
and my conclusion is, not much.
i feel like there's still so much i can do/could have done/should do.

IBIBIB. O: still got a long way to goooooooo.
but time is passing so quickly, its weird to think that this time next year,
we'd be heading into the final lap of this IB course. scaryyyyyyy.

tonight's music/drama night really made me realise how awesome everyone in my school is. its like, no matter who you are, everyone has their own thing, like their own little niche which they are passionate about and work hard at. and some people have so many things they are good at, and they still manage to cope with studies and everything. i think its srsly awesome. everyone's so, all-rounded and talented. :D

but i guess i should always be grateful for all that i have.

love.

YAY.

2009-05-29T17:47:00.005+08:00

amanda is jubilant/ecstatic/overjoyed/elated/on cloud nine/intoxicated with joy.
in other words, amanda is HAPPY. like, extremely happy.

1. amanda has finally completed her IOP and math IA. (JOY.)
2. amanda is seventeen today! (ALREADY. ZOMG SO SOON.)
3. amanda has a lot of lovely friends who are so awesome she can't even find the words to describe them. (LOVE!)
4. amanda thanks (in no particular order of importance) : cherylleongsuefen,kohjunwee,limliangjie,hwele,hweleng,jessebelle,yingying,damien,QQ, linweijie,christopherteewenkiat,alyssachng,iancheah,shoba,lamyinto,christopherteo,ernestwang,weijin,jonas, matthew, lennonloy,jinguan,jovenng,mommy,luu,anh,rowland, and everyone else who wished me :D
5. amanda loves you. :D

best. birthday. ever. :D

the countdown to the end begins,

2009-05-27T18:47:00.002+08:00

things i have to do before the end of this term :

1. finish CAS reflections
2. finish math IA
3. TOK essay
4. econs practice commentary
5. prepare props for musical theatre night
6. jam for platinum
7. study for bio test
8. study for chinese test

no shit.
:/

1-5 june arts week
6 june jane goodall symposium
7 - 12 june krabi :D
17 - 26 june chengdu.

kiss me, under the milky twilight

2009-05-25T20:40:00.003+08:00

we'll watch a billion sunsets together.

6 MONTHS - HEYMONDAY

you're the direction i follow to get home
when i feel like i can't go on,
you tell me to go
and it's like i can't feel a thing without you around
and don't mind me if i get weak in the knees,
'cause you have that effect on me.

everything you say
everytime we kiss, i can't think straight
but i'm okay
and i can't think of anybody else
who i'd hate to miss as much as i hate missing you

months going strong now, and no goodbye
unconditional, unoriginal
always by my side
meant to be together
meant for no one but each other
you love me, i love you harder so

please give me a hand,
please give me a lesson,
on how to steal a heart
as fast as you stole mine

so please, give me a hand.
so please, take my hand.

are you ready?

2009-05-24T17:15:00.002+08:00

remember those walls i built?
well baby, they're tumbling down
and they didn't even put up a fight.
they didn't even make a sound.
i found a way to let you in
but i never really had a doubt
standing in the light of your halo
i got my angel now

hit me like a ray of sun
burning through my darkest night
you're the only one that i want
think i'm addicted to your light
i swore i'd never fall again
but this don't even feel like falling
gravity can forget
trying to pull me to the ground again

and i've already found what i was looking for;

2009-05-23T18:53:00.002+08:00

amanda isn't feeling well.

amanda has a sore throat and possibly a fever.
and she feels like sleeping until this term is over.
but then, that's not gna happen.

sigh.

moving on.

black holes and revelations;

2009-05-16T14:40:00.003+08:00

i am in a thoughtful mode.
perhaps only because my mind is trying its best to run away from evil menace that is probabilities and a little thing we call 'math ia'. and so it wanders and wanders.

can i stay strong?
can i go on?

i don't know.
we can't change anything in the past and we don't know what will happen in the future, all i can do is exist in the now, and try my best. :D

after yesterday's founder's day, i was quite moved. i think its so cool that everyone worked so hard to make it a success, hopefully not because they had to, not because of CAS points, but because we're all united in the same cause and the same passion runs through our veins? i know it isn't true for everyone ( for we never really 'know' anything about anything else except ourselves, do we? :P ) , but at least i know it was true for me. my feet hurt like !@#$%^ and i was starving but i still really enjoyed myself.
5 months and counting, and i am proud to say i'm a Josephian through and through :D

and also, much love to choir friends :D we're awesome!

KISS ME - SIXPENCE NONE THE RICHER

kiss me, out of the bearded barley
nightly, beside the green green grass
swing,swing, swing the spinning step
you wear those shoes and i will wear that dress

oh kiss me, beneath the milky twilight
lead me out onto the moonlit floor
lift your open hand
strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
silver moon's sparkling,
so kiss me.

kiss me, down by the broken tree house
swing me, upon its hanging tire
bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
we'll take the trail marked out on your father's map

so kiss me.

don't waste your time.

2009-05-12T19:03:00.003+08:00

i shall spare you the whining,
i've been whining the whole day (heh sorry lwj/christee/whoever else) O:

time to shut up. and get down to workworkwork.
WELCOME TO THE IB, BAYBEH.

i somehow find, you and i collide.

i'll be loving you forever,

2009-05-11T19:43:00.002+08:00

wooh, birthday in 2 weeks.
last 2 weeks to be 16.
my, how time flies.
it seems like just yesterday when i just turned 16 for the first time.
it seems like just yesterday when i watched my first nc16 movie (you don't mess with the zohan -.-)
it seems like just yesterday, and yet, so many things have happened between now and then!

i went through o levels.
i got my results back.
i got into sjii.
i started a new life at a new school.
i made new friends.

phew. i sometimes wish things would slow down, so i can take it all in.
but before you know it, i'll be 50, sitting in my living room watching some cheesy taiwanese drama with my 27 cats. (:

PLEASE DON'T STOP THE RAIN - JAMES MORRISON

i don't know where i crossed the line,
was it something i said?
or didn't say, this time?

and i don't know if its me or you,
i can see the skies are changing,
no longer shades of blue
i don't know which way it's gonna go.

and if it's going to be a rainy day,
there's nothing we can do it make it change.
we can pray for sunny weather,
but that won't stop the rain.
you're feeling like there's no place to run,
i'll be your shelter until it's done
we can make this last forever,
so please don't stop the rain,
let it fall.

i thought that time was on our side,
i've put in too many years,
to let this pass us by.
you see, life is a crazy thing.
there'll be good times
and bad times
and everything else in between.
and i don't know which way it's gonna go.

i can't force these eyes to see the end;

2009-05-09T19:19:00.002+08:00

NEVER BE LONELY - THE FEELING

people in love,
get fast and foolish.
people in love,
get everything wrong.
people in love,
get scared and stupid.
people in love,
get everything wrong.

but at least they're not lonely.

baby, i think i'm going crazy,
why should i be sane without you.

they tell me to fight it,
they can bloody well try it,
i'll never be the same without you.

people in love,
get special treatment.
people in love,
get everything wrong.
people in love,
their hearts get eaten.

but at least they're not lonely.

if i'm all bad news, you must be a liar.

2009-05-09T17:45:00.002+08:00

phewwwww.

i'm sho furhreekeeng tyeird. actually i have nothing much to talk about nowadays, other than the work that i have?

manmanda wants to watch:
star trek
ramen girl

but she hash noh furhreekeeng tyeme.

manmanda has echoey classical music ringing in her ears.
manmanda hopes choir concert on friday would be a success!
manmanda would like to find a nice, clean patch of grass in which to lie down and fall asleep/stone/drink bubble tea/talk/laugh/cry under the stars.
manmanda would never get tired of climbing that grassy hill.
manmanda wonders.
manmanda loves.

it never ends;

2009-05-08T18:42:00.002+08:00

but the ride is still worthwhile :D

i have manymanymany things to do.

you're the echoes of my everything,
you're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.
you're the laziness of the afternoon,
you're the reason why i burst and why i bloom.
you're the leaky sink of sentiment,
you're the failed attempts i could never forget.
you're the metaphors i can't create to comprehend this curse i call love.

you're the IB.

and she said, oooh.

2009-05-06T19:50:00.004+08:00

TO-DO:

finish IOP by this week
research for inter-tutor group debate by next weds
complete chemistry assessed task by next weds
resist temptation to ram head against nearest available wall/table/hl math textbook.

oh, oh,
i do not hook up, i go slow
so if you want me,
i don't come cheap
keep your hand in my hand,
your heart on my sleeve
oh, no,
i do not hook up,
i fall deep.
'cause the more that you try the harder i'll fight.

i can't cook, no
but i can clean
up the mess that she left
lay your head down and feel the beat
as i kiss your forehead.
this may not last but this is now
so love the one you're with
you wanna chase but you're chasing your tail
a quick fix won't ever get you well.

we'll go back to the place where the night never ends.

2009-05-04T21:24:00.003+08:00

hohoho busy like shizzzzzz.

tmr : study for econs test/ choir prac/ buy uniform
wed: dental appointment
thurs: choir/ ptm.
fri: -
sat: rehearsal
mon: netball
tues: rehearsal
wed: -
thurs: choir/ shakespeare at the park
fri: founders' day/ concertttt.

and sometime in between now and end of this term, i have to complete a math IA and my IOP.

i need sleep.

OLD SCHOOL - HEDLEY

don't believe everything happiness says
nothing feels better than hiding these days
we bury our fears in the drinks, in the tears
for the days we believed we could fly.

so why don't you meet me?
down by the old school,
we'll waste away the weekend
with perfect regard for how cavalier we used to be,
that beautiful insanity,
the apathy's surrounding me
don't close your eyes,
or we'll fade away.

over and over and over again
we sat down for a minute,
grew into men
now we're putting out fires and changing car tires
man, how in hell did we get here?

wearing a killer smile to kill me;

2009-05-03T20:43:00.004+08:00

if today was your last day,
if tomorrow was too late, could you say goodbye to yesterday?
would you live each moment like your last? leave old pictures in the past?
donate every dime you have?
and would you call old friends you never see?
reminisce old memories?
would you forgive your enemies?
and would you find that one you're dreaming of?
swear up and down to God above, that you'll finally fall in love.

if today was your last day,
would you make your mark, on ending a broken heart?
you know it's never too late,
to shoot for the stars, regardless of who you are.
so do whatever it takes, 'cause you can't rewind, a moment in this life
let nothing stand in your way
'cause the hands of time are never on your side.

live with no fear, die with no regrets.
live, laugh and love. life's too short to be wasted worrying.

you'll never know the way it tears me up inside;

2009-05-02T22:37:00.002+08:00

much love.

you are young, and so am i.
and this is wrong, but who am i to judge?
you feel like heaven when we touch,
i guess for me this is enough.

we're one mistake from being together
but let's not ask why it's not right,
you won't be seventeen forever,
and we can get away with this tonight.

you are young, and i am scared.
you're wise beyond your years,
but i don't care.
i can feel your heart beat.
you know exactly where to take me.

will you remember me?
will you ask me to leave?
remember what i said?
oh how could i,
how could i forget.

we won't be seventeen forever.

hahah, in life, it seems, everything is so transient. one day it's here and the next day it's gone and over. but some memories, like golden sunsets over a glittering sea, remain in your memory forever. there's a great feeling of nostalgia. a sense of accomplishment at having had such wonderful friends, a sense of accomplishment at having lived life to the full, a sense of accomplishment in having no regrets in taking this path. at the same time, a sense of sadness, as you write a conclusion to another paragraph in the story of your life, and start anew.

finality fills the air. i wonder what the future would bring, i wonder how things would change or stay the same. and there's nothing we can do to stop it from happening, all we can do is hope for the best and keep on moving along.

all in all, assisi was great :D we made 278 dollars. awesomezxs.

nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone.

2009-04-28T17:37:00.004+08:00

There's something very gratifying about a nice and dreary rainy day. I wouldn't mind having this weather for the next few days. Just makes me feel like putting on a hoodie and staying indoors all day, watching the rain fall.

Jim: Oh no, he'll come back. We all come back, Kate. These private little revolutions always die. The compromise is always made. In a peculiar way, Frank is right - every man does have a star. The star of one's honesty. And you spend your life groping for it, but once it's out it never lights again. I don't think he went very far. He probably just wanted to be alone to watch his star go out.

I feel like I've aged a lot in the span of a few weeks. Things that used to be so simple and innocent suddenly seem convoluted and restricted. Does everything really have to have a motive behind it? Can't we all just do things because we want to? Why must everything take on a sudden monumental significance? To me, it's like, how, we spend the majority of our childhood discovering our identities, only to find out, the world doesn't really accept us for who we are. What the world wants is a stereotype. A carbon-copy. And try as we might to resist, it's only a matter of time before we realise how futile our efforts are and let our identities get choked out of us.

SHATTERED - OF A REVOLUTION (OAR)

in a way, i need a change
from this burn-out scene
another time, another town,
another everything
but it's always back to you

stumble out in the night,
in the pouring rain
made the block,
sat and thought
there's more i need.
it's always back to you.

how many times can i break 'til i shatter?
over the line, can't define what i'm after.
i always turn the car around.
give me a break, let me make my own pattern,
all that it takes is some time
but i'm shattered.
i always turn the car around.

all that i feel is the realness i'm faking
taking my time
but it's time that i'm wasting.
i always turn the car around.

if i could be your angel;

2009-04-26T15:15:00.004+08:00

i'm sleepeh.

i can feel the last vestiges of my childhood slipping away.
taking on more responsibility, experiencing real life.
i'm jaded. (:

and beh.! i think we've established that i'm not cut out for athletics of any kind.
but i guess, it isn't about how fast i was.
i just like running.
at my own pace.
on my own time.
i don't care if i'm the last person. i just want to complete what i set out to do.
and maybe i'm just slow.

"you want ice cream?"
"no, no, don't scream."

hahah, you people crack me up.

xiaolongpao ftw :D

EVERYBODY KNOWS - JOHN LEGEND

it gets harder everyday, but i can't shake the pain
i'm trying to find the words to say,
please stay.
it's written all over my face
i can't function the same when you're not here
i'm calling your name and no one's there.

and i hope one day you'll see
nobody has it easy
i still can't believe you found somebody new
but i wish you all the best, i guess.

'cause everybody knows
that nobody really knows
how to make it work, or
how to ease the hurt
we've heard it all before
that everybody knows how to make it right
i wish we gave it one more try.

i don't care what the people say
they're probably lonely anyway
baby,
don't fill your head with he said, she said

the radio's on
you're tuning me out
i'm trying to speak,
you're turning me down.

oh, i wish you'd understand
that i'm just an ordinary man.

so baby, i hope that you came prepared.

2009-04-21T21:57:00.003+08:00

BUSY LIKE SHIZZZZ.

the next 2 weeks are jam packed. like srsly.
it's a wonder the grade 12s managed to survive that long.
some days in IB i feel like ramming my head against a wall.
i am beginning to realise that things can't be perfect all the time.
i can't be juggling everything together all the time. i can only try my best.
and sometimes i have to learn to let go and let nature take its course, and hope for the best. sigh.

tomorrow : formal dinner
thursday : choir practice
friday : KWSH charity run
saturday : spiritual retreat
sunday : church
monday : netball
tuesday : indo dance
wednesday : -
thursday : choir
friday : labour day
sat : assisi carnival

welcome to my world.
curse you, binomial probabilities.

i still try, holding on to silly things;

2009-04-19T13:05:00.004+08:00

CALLING FOR DONATIONS FOR THE AMANDA-NEEDS-MONEY FUND.

All proceeds will go to a most worthy cause, furthering the betterment of mankind and saving the Earth in general :D

amanda needs money for:
1. her musical needs (COLDPLAY,MCS CD, guitarrrr.)
2. TRIP TO GK IN DEC!
3. birthday lunch treat.
4. life, in general.

amanda is broke. hahaha.

you said, we were an accident
with accidents you'll never know what could have been
so we were an accident,
you'll always be my favourite one.

you hit the road and left me an ocean
i can't swim in the silence of your skin
please let me in
inside the time i had to forget you
inside no chance of us at all.

we could have been.
why can't you believe?

dying in the sunset;

2009-04-18T12:27:00.002+08:00

this is my 300th post.
and i can't imagine how many things have happened in these 300 posts.

ho hum. i am going to be extremely busy this week.
but it's all part of the fun :D we'd all be bored to death without all this work to do.

i'm peering into solitude.
i'm wondering what comes next.
i'm wondering, how things will change.
i'm wondering and waiting.
i'm trying my hardest, really i am.

the idealist in me wants very much to believe in all things everlasting,
but the realist in me knows there's no such deal. or is there?

there's a little idealist in all of us.

she looked out the window and saw a million stars.

BY YOUR SIDE- TOKIO HOTEL

no one knows how you feel
no one there you'd like to see
the day was dark, and full of pain.
you write 'help' with your own blood
'cause hope is all you've got.
you open your eyes,
but nothing's changed.

i don't want to cause you trouble
don't wanna stay too long
i just came here to say to you:

turn around, i am here.
if you want,
it's me you'll see.
doesn't count, far or near
i can hold you when you reach for me.

your life is meaningless
your diary is full of trash
it's so hard to get along
with empty hands
you're looking for the rainbow
but it died not long ago.
it tried to shine for you
until the end.

i am by your side
just for a little while
we'll make it if we try.

when you find you; come back to me.

2009-04-17T22:51:00.003+08:00

(WEIRD) FRIENDS FTW ♥ :D

you hit me like a ray of sun
burning through my darkest night
i'm addicted to your light.

we're accidentally in love;

2009-04-13T20:13:00.002+08:00

IT NEVER RAINS BUT IT POURS.

you always think that as school begins after a long holiday, it starts out slow and gathers momentum. but it never works that way! today i went to school and basically it is one thing after another. who am i to complain eh?
the next 8 weeks are going to be packed like mad.

it's not that i have a lot of things to do! but i just don't like the feeling of things piling up on top of another and me not being able to complete them quickly and all at once.

i will survive.

look at the pretty doll in the window, mama.

2009-04-12T20:22:00.002+08:00

hohoho. school begins.

FALL TO PIECES - AVRIL LAVIGNE

i looked away
then i looked back at you
you tried to say
things that you can't undo.

if i had my way,
i'd never get over you.

today's the day,
i pray that we make it through.
make it through the fall
make it through it all

and i don't wanna fall to pieces
i just want to sit and stare at you
i don't wanna talk about it
and i don't want a conversation
i just want to cry in front of you
i don't wanna talk about it
'cause i'm in love with you

you're the only one i'd be with 'til the end
when i come undone,
you bring me back again
back under the stars, back into your arms.

hallelujah.

2009-04-11T12:20:00.002+08:00

(well it's not Easter yet. but - )
EASTER.

hoho time to celebrateeeeeeeeee!
and since i'm so religious, i shall put up a hymn here.

i'm hungry.

HALLELUJAH - BEETHOVEN

hallelujah, hallelujah,
hallelujah unto God's Almighty Son
praise the Lord,
ye bright angelic choirs,
in holy songs of joy.
man, proclaim His grace and glory.
Hallelujah.

Were you there, when they crucified my Lord?

2009-04-10T18:20:00.002+08:00

Good Friday.

Many people asked me out today. simply 'cos it's a public holiday.
but it's a day of mourning, fasting and reflection.
and i actually feel much better after a day of fasting.
'cos the feeling you get, is very cathartic. when you feel so drained of everything else but the will to go on, all other distractions are meaningless and petty. and you can finally see what really matters.

can't believe Easter is upon us already. and then it's back to school!
can't wait can't wait.

TONGUE TIED - FABER DRIVE

bright,cold, silver moon
tonight, alone in my room.
you were here just yesterday.
slight turn of the head,
eyes down when you said,

i guess i need my life to change
seems like somethings just not the same
what could i say?

i need a little more luck than a little bit
'cause everytime i get stuck
the words won't fit
and everytime that i try
i get tongue-tied
i need a little good love to get me by

i need a little more help than a little bit
like the perfect one word no one should get
'cause everything that i try
i get tongue-tied
i need a little good love to get me by this time.

i stare up at the stars
i wonder just where you are
you feel a million miles away.

the innocent can never last;

2009-04-09T16:18:00.002+08:00

boooo. i'm so sleepy. and bored.

have i mentioned bored?

david cook is awesome. better than whiny david a. with dreamy eyes.

COME BACK TO ME - DAVID COOK

you say you've gotta go and find yourself
you say that you're becoming someone else
don't recognize the face that's looking back at you

you say you're leaving as you look away
i know there's really nothing left to say
just know i'm here,
whenever you need me,
i'll wait for you.

so i'll let you go,
i'll set you free
and when you've seen what you need to see
when you find you
come back to me.

take your time,
i won't go anywhere
i'll picture you with the wind in your hair
i'll keep your things right where you left them
i'll be here for you

i can't get close if you're not there
i can't get inside if there's no soul there
i can't face you, i can't save you
it's something you need to do.

with your faith, you'll trigger a landslide.

2009-04-09T10:37:00.002+08:00

bargh. i've been trying my best to train for the kwong wai shiu hospital run. and one thing i've realised about running is that, it's not the distance that really matters. whether you run 5km or 1km, it's actually about the duration. about how long you can keep telling yourself 'keep going keep going.' how long you can push yourself, ignoring the burning pain in your thighs and calves. and the feeling after completing something you never thought you would, is amazing. especially when you're nice and squeaky clean after a shower. :D

LOVERS IN JAPAN - COLDPLAY

lovers, keep the road that you're on
runners, until the race is run
soldiers, you've got to soldier on
sometimes even right is wrong

they are turning my head out
to see what i'm all about
keeping my head down
to see what it feels like now
but i have no doubt,
one day,
we're gonna get out.

tonight maybe we're gonna run
dreaming of the osaka sun.
dreaming of when the morning comes.

but i have no doubt,
one day the sun will come out.

you bring me down;

2009-04-08T19:07:00.003+08:00

coldplay can portray my melancholy like no other.

LIFE IN TECHNICOLOUR II - COLDPLAY

there's a wild wind blowing
down the corner of my street
every night there the headlights are glowing
there's a cold war, on the radio, i heard.
baby, it's a violent world.

oh love, don't let me go.
won't you take me where the street lights glow?
i could hear rain coming, i could hear the sirens sound
now my feet won't touch the ground.

time came a-creeping
oh, time's a loaded gun
every road is a ray of light
it goes on
time can only lead you on
still, it's such a beautiful night.

oh love, don't let me go.